I found myself writing the below journal entry during a recent time of utter despair, an utter joy. I never imagined the two could go hand in hand, but the Lord has a way of, as we know, being very mysterious. In any case I wasn't sure if I should post my journal entry on my blog, it got pretty long, and I'm not really sure if it makes any sense. I think the decision to post it came because of the peace it brought me to write it, and hopefully, if you feel compelled to read it, I pray the power of God's Love will have an impact on you like writing it did for me.
Sin - In some circles of people it seems almost forbidden to talk about, the fear of not being perfect; in other circles of people it is talked about freely, living shamelessly. Two extremes.
It would seem to me that the two extremes have the same motivation for not confronting their sinful nature, neither one wants to feel that shame and guilt that sin can weigh upon us. We don't want to admit that we were wrong, we don't want to admit that we did in fact commit a sin. So many sins have become just the “normal” way of life, and they really aren't that “big” of a deal. Those sins can range from anything like a dishonest business deal to sexual immortality (and of course there are many more examples). I don't want to go off on a tangent about the many sins out there because I am not trying to bring about judgment, guilt or shame into someone life's, actually I hope that by they time I finish writing this, it will in some sense, do the opposite of that.
Over the past little while God has opened up my eyes, mind, and heart to things that have impacted me more than I believe I can write, but nonetheless, by God's grace, I will write, and pray for words. I am in tears as I sit here because of the wonderful power of the Almighty, that goes beyond any human understanding. I find myself constantly underestimating God's power. Remember how he opened the Red Sea for the Israelite's to cross out of Egypt? (Exodus Ch 14). Actually think about that for a moment. He opened the sea! Think about if you were walking along sea wall in Vancouver BC one sunny afternoon and all of a sudden the ocean in front of you split open. What would you feel? Fear, confusion, excitement? What would you see?! Perhaps the humpback whales were migrating through and they fell onto the ocean floor, maybe there is an old ship at the bottom, possibly hundreds of crabs and only imagine what else! Seems pretty unrealistic right? But God did it, twice for the Israelite's, (Joshua Ch.1-5) the second time 40 years later when they were finally allowed to cross into the Promised Land through the Jordan River!
(According to scripture Joshua instructed them to place12 stones there, which represented the 12 tribes of Israel as a memorial to mark a reminder “...They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the Lord's covenant when across. These stones will stand as a permanent memorial among all the people of Israel.” Joshua 4:7 NLT. I do not know what the remains of the 12 stones today, the little research I have done is not enough to make a definitive statement (but I would love to pursue that topic)).
Anyways, back to the fascinating miracle, the opening of a sea and a river. I felt the Holy Spirit teaching me when I was reading about those Old Testament miracles, along with chapters of Romans and profoundly impacting life experiences (My interpretation of what) He, (the Holy Spirit) spoke,
“Do you know that the same God who opened the sea is the same God that loves YOU today. (Revelation 1:8, “I am the Alpha and the Omega – the beginning and the end,” says the Lord God. “I am the one who is, who always was, and who is still to come, the Almighty One.”) He is the same God that sent Jesus to die on a cross for YOU. He is the same God that saw man sin against him day after day after day in the during the time of Moses and yet He still opened the sea for the Israelites. Jesus is the same Jesus who died on a cross full well knowing the sins that man have committed, and will continue to commit, and not just some sins, but ALL sin. Alicia, do you know that just because you have and desire to accomplish good works, does not mean that you are greater then the person who openly sins without any acknowledgment that a sin has been committed? Do you know what separates you from your sinful nature? It is My Love, and only My Love. The only reason you are free from sin is by My grace, the Holy Spirit that lives in you, because of your faith that Jesus died on the cross for you. So why are you sitting in shame and guilt when I paid the ultimate sacrifice for you, I, the Lord, gave up my ONLY SON, for you. I gave up my only son for all mankind, I Love all mankind. Because you know the Law you feel guilty for your sin, but that is not how it was intended to be. Your guilt in and of itself is a sin because Jesus paid the ultimate price for you, and I, the Lord, do not cause your guilt.”
(The scriptures below put into words feeling I am familiar with, but could not put into words myself)
[Romans 7:9-12 NLT
“9.I felt fine when I did not understand what the law demanded. But when I learned the truth, I realized I had broken the law and was a sinner, doomed to die. 10. So the good law, which was supposed to show me the way of life, instead gave me the death penalty. 11.Sin took advantage of the law and fooled me; it took the good law and used it to make me guilty of death. 12. But still, the law itself is holy and right and good.]
[Romans 7:14-25 NLT
“14.The law is good then. The trouble is not with the law but with with me, because I am sold into slavery, with sin as my master. 15. I don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead I do the very thing I hate. 16. I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong, and my bad conscience shows that I agree that the law is good. 17. But I can't help myself, because it is sin inside me that makes me do these evil things. 18. I know I am rotten through and through, so far as my old sinful nature is concerned. No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself do right. I want to, but I can't. 19. When I want to do good, I don't. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. 20. But if I am doing what I don't want to do, I am not really the one doing it; the sin within me is doing it.
21. It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22. I love God's law with all my heart. 23. But there is another law at work within me that is at war with my mind. This law wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still with me. 24. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin? 25. THANK GOD! THE ANSWER IS IN JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am slave to sin.”
Romans 8 1-4, 15-17, 26, 38 NLT
1. SO NOW THERE IS NO CONDEMNATION FOR THOSE WHO BELONG TO CHRIST JESUS 2. FOR THE POWER OF THE LIFE-GIVING SPIRIT HAS FREED YOU THROUGH CHRIST JESUS FROM THE POWER OF SIN THAT LEADS TO DEATH. 3. The law of Moses could not save us, because of our sinful nature. But God put into effect a different plan to save us. He sent his own Son in a human body like ours, except that ours is sinful. To destroy sin's control over us by giving his son as a sacrifice for our sins. 4. He did this so that the requirement of the law would be fully accomplished for us who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit.
15. So you should not behave like cowering, fearful slaves. You should behave instead like God's very own children, adopted into his family –Calling him “Father, dear Father” 16. For his Holy Spirit speaks to us deep in our hearts and tells us that we are God's children. 17. And since we are God's children, we will share his treasures – for everything God gives to his Son, Christ, is ours, too. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share in his suffering.
26. And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, no how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.
38. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away.]
My statement near the beginning of this blog stands true, that I in fact don't have the words to express the profound way God has impacted my life. Instead the Lord led me to scripture, which more than expresses words that I myself could not get out. Yet I still feel there is more inside me that longs to speak. The power of God's spirit that has washed over me, is so incredible, so profound, I found my who bodily trembling, weakened at the knees, barely able to stand. I am a sinner, saved by the blood of Jesus, put on earth to share the love of Christ with people of all kinds. I feel joy and great blessing knowing God loves me, a sinner to my very core, His love is so far beyond our understanding of what love is. The Lords power of love does nothing less and much more than opening up the sea for us to pass through.
So what is the difference between the person who lives secretly in shame and the person who lives openly in shame?
Nothing.
Grace through Faith saves us.
Ephesians 2:8-10 NLT
8. God saved you by his special favor when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. 9. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.10. For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
