Lord Make Me an Instrument of Your Peace

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.


O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen


When I was in the middle of writing my last blog I looked out my window and saw a young lady coming to the door, she had a backpack on and looked completely distraught. I went out to see what the matter was; she has just been a victim of domestic violence and had gotten away. I gave her phone to use and a glass of water while I sat and consoled her. I felt the need to walk her to the place where she was being picked up by friends, as we walked I asked her if I could pray for her, she quickly responded “yes please”. We prayed and she safely got picked up.

It came to my attention shortly after that the man who had physically assaulted her was driving around looking for her and when I was walking her to the point of pick up it didn’t even occur to me that we were in any danger. There was no way I was letting her walk down the street alone, in the state she was in. I fully believe that when we do things in the name of the Lord that we are surrounded by protective angels. God wants us to be his hands and feet, so therefore why wouldn’t he protect us so we can do his work? I believe that He would never “let us walk down the street alone” especially in our moments of suffering.

The prayer of St Francis has been on my mind lately, and during this situation that is what I heard spoken to me. If you get a chance, Sarah McLachlan also sings it beautifully.

Two verses have been revealed to me for this blog.

Genesis 28:15 NLT
"What's more, I will be with you, and I will protect you wherever you go...I will be with you constantly..."

Psalm 143:8-11 NLT
"Let me hear of your unfailing love to me in the morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I have come to you in prayer. 9. Save me from my enemies, Lord; I run to you to hide me. 10. Teach me to do your will for you are my God. May your gracious spirit lead me forward on firm footing."

Lord, may we always seize the opportunities to help others in need.

Amen

Born Identity

Now I realize the title may be a cheesy play on words from a movie but the words “born identity” were actually used by God to reveal different things to me about my life. I just love how He uses things we are familiar with to relate to us and help us understand. There were a number of analogies God used on that Sunday in February 2010 that I would like to share, as they still cross my mind and impact me daily.

At the end of a sermon spoken by the pastor he revealed that there were people in the congregation that were embarking on a “New Journey” and that God wanted to “speak” to them. Well I have come to learn that in a church setting when my emotions take over, my heart beats heavy and my hands start shaking, that usually means “stand up boldy and with faith Alicia, I am talking about you”. The way the pastor described the “New Journey” was something like this “for people who didn’t know Christ and wanted to begin a journey with him.” I automatically assumed that he wasn’t talking about me because I thought I had known Christ for quite some time. Yet during that previous week the word “journey” had been crossing my mind frequently. I also had been praying and asking the Lord for something “new”. Well I didn’t really put those two factors together until a later point, it really is wonderful that God is so patient with us and gently reminds us that He is answering our prayers. At the time I didn’t know this but this day was to be the beginning of a “New Journey” in my life with Christ, so exciting!!!

So back to the analogies that were spoken to me. I will try to describe the impact they had on me by first describing where I was in my daily life. It was during the Vancouver Olympics so of course I spent every moment I could watching them. I was spending four to seven hours a day training for rowing, as well as coaching a competitive junior team. I was and still am, working at a job that at time was testing my patience to the extreme. I think another valuable point is that my favorite sport to compete in is of course rowing, and my favorite sport to watch is actually football. I think I may enjoy watching football so much because my youngest brother played throughout high school. I was privileged enough to have the opportunity to train his team in the area of speed and agility. I learnt valuable skills from an incredibly talented family, skills that I still use to this day. While learning those skills I came to have even more of an appreciation for training for sport, as well as the amount of skill talent and development in the game of football. There is few things in life I enjoy more than watching someone I know compete in a sport of any type. Some people may look at sport and see it as just a “game”, but I know that it is so much more. I believe sport through strong leadership has the power to change the future of individuals otherwise destined for a path of destruction. So naturally God knew that if he gave me analogies related to sport, I would listen and understand.

So as for the analogies they went something like this; Alicia you are like a downhill skier at the top of the hill, looking down, but you have no idea how to do get to the bottom; God is going to be there for you like just like a "blocker" in football, he will stop all the obstacles; God has given you a backpack and right now He is filling it will tools, He will show you when and how to use the tools He is giving you; and lastly Born Identity; you are like the actor in the movie Bourne Identity people are chasing you, you don’t know who you are, but God is going to teach you on the journey and He wants you to enjoy the journey.

I find it so fascinating how God tells us the exact things we need to hear when we need to hear them, even if at the time we don’t realize what is happening. I am excited that my job which daily tests my patience is one of the things used to fill my backpack with valuable tools, I tell you, I still think of that analogy everyday at work, I am so excited to know that God will use things, that to me can seem so meaningless, for work that glorifies His name, and His Kingdom. Whenever I come across an obstacle now, I picture running on that football field, and I know God is there clearing the way. Running at a full out sprint is tiring and painful, just like my journey thus far, but I know in the end the result is worth all of the effort.

My journey as of now is not at all what I thought it would be on that day in February when I first received that message from God. I currently am unable to train for rowing; I have had dehabilitaing back pain for almost 2 months now. The first month I stubbornly continued to row and lift weights, the second month I began to replace rowing with running. Well my running soon turned into walking as the pain got worse and worse. I am only able now to train in the pool, which has actually been quite wonderful, today my frustration of the injury got the best of my emotions, God still is gracious to me. In any case my dreams of becoming a great rower have not disappeared, but the reality is they may actually never come true. So why do I love sport so much when I am currently unable to compete in anything even resembling a sport? I don’t know the answer, but I do know that God is revealing a new part of my heart to me that I have only seen glimpses of in the past. I read blogs of the people working in Haiti and I sob uncontrollably. I thank God for my meal and I sob thinking about all the hungry people in the world. I am convicted if I even waste a grain of rice, knowing that somewhere in the world a mother would give her hands and feet for just a small amount of food for her family.

(As I was beginning to write the following paragraph I had an opportunity to help someone right on my own doorstep, I will write about it in further detail in my next blog.)

I want God to use to me for his Kingdom. I want to go underdeveloped countries, areas of high conflict, I want to be his hands and feet that bring peace to those under circumstances we in developed countries could not possibly begin to understand.

My born identity has been lost throughout my life. I allowed sport to become my identity; I allowed people and relationships in my life to become my identity. As I stumble along wondering who I am, not satisfied in anything that I do, I wonder, that if I was to become one of the top rowers in the world, would I even be satisfied?

I know that from the “world’s” point of view, it is ridiculous for me to up and leave all that I have “going for me”, but I want more. I am not satisfied. How can I sit here, in my comfortable home while 80% of the world lives in poverty? I have been blessed with a wonderful life, a wonderful family, so many opportunities, how can I not use my blessings to bless others? I believe in the near future God is going to allow me to travel so I can experience exponential growth in my faith and I am so filled with joy at the thought! God made each of our hearts for something different; I am grateful that God is teaching me about mine.

Clean Out Your Own House

I have a burning desire inside of me to go out into the world and help those in need. As I fought against surrendering to God and following my own will, I began to get more and more physically ill, and less and less peaceful in my mind. That is when God told me to clean out my own house, of course my response was, what? What does that look like?

During the time he told me that, the picture in my mind that I had of my life was me, running through a field of thorns, not very fun. He told me he wanted me to be that little girl again, the one that carelessly runs through a field of daisies and lays down swishing her arms up and down making “snow” angels in the daisies. He told me my PAIN would be turned into HOPE. The two passages below are important in this journey for me.

Matthew 6:31-34 NLT

31. So don’t worry about having enough food or drink or clothing. 32. Why be like the pagans who are so deeply concerned about these things? Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, 33. and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. 34. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Romans 1:1-2 NLT

“1.And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice – the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask? 2. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.”


I still don’t fully understand what God is doing to me, but all I know is that the more he chisels away, although it is painful, the more whole and full of hope I become. I know the point of “clean our your own house” is that I don’t have the capacity to help others when I am a mess myself and I also know that I am incredibly grateful that God it’s the great healer. And you know what, each day through the clouds; the sky seems a little brighter than it did the day before and my step feels a bit lighter. When God says in Matt 6:32”…Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs” I always pictured my physical needs being met, which is true, but know I also believe he meets our needs by teaching us the tools we need to fight the “unseen” battle everyday, we just have to trust in Him. I am joyful that God is humbling me by showing me the error of my ways, so that I can become greater and truly work for his Kingdom.

God is Enough

Recently at church we had a guest speaker, she spoke about the word ENOUGH. It is interesting how many different ways this word can be used. We can use it as a discipline in our life, enough sleep, enough cookies, enough television.

We can use it as a prayer Lord I have had ENOUGH. BUT I believe the most important way that we can use this word is in the knowledge that God IS ENOUGH!
God spent 2 weeks teaching me about the concept of enough; one of the verses he used was 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NLT.

“8. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9. Each time he said “MY GRACIOUS FAVOR IS ALL YOU NEED. MY POWER WORKS BEST IN YOUR WEAKNESS.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses. So that the power of Christ may work through me. 10. Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I was also studying James 1: 2-9 NLT at this time.
“2. Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. 3. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a change to grow. 4. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.
5. If you need wisdom – if you want to know what God wants you to do – ask him, and he will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking. 6. But when you ask him, be sure that you really expect him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7. People like that should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8. They can’t make up their minds. The waver back and forth in everything they do.”

There are some verses, like the 2Cor 12:8 - 10 that bluntly state something, but in my walk, I find an enormous difference between knowing the words in my mind, and truly believing them in my heart. For the first week of my walk in this verse that is just what it was, it was knowledge in my mind, it was of course, very encouraging, and I was able to refer to this truth when facing small little tests or inconveniences. I ended up spending one evening in the emergency in severe pain, I could hear this verse in my mind, but I didn't truly believe it in my heart.

In the second week of my walk this verse became so much more, it became the very air that I breathed and I clung onto it for dear life.

Here is a little background information. Over the last few months I have been removing things from my life that I believed were keeping me at a distance from God, things like music, movies, parties, foods and overtraining that caused my body to be in a state of constant agony (and not the good kind of agony that comes from a hard work out) and most significantly relationships. Not that I believe people are bad, but I do believe that the state of mind that I was in when I was in certain atmospheres caused my thoughts to be far from things that would allow personal growth to occur in my relationship with God. I began to spend every morning and evening in the Word of God, just learning about him without any outside influence, it was actually incredibly peaceful, I was falling in love with Jesus all over again. I felt God drawing closer to me and I to him.

Occasionally over those few months I would have dreams that I would try to run but my legs were so heavy I just could not, as I rid my life of ungodly things the dreams changed. I wish I could say they changed into lovely angelic dreams, but that certainly was not the case, in fact it was quite the opposite. I began to have nightmares, this time I was running full speed ahead but I was running from people who were trying to harm me, trying to lure me into their ways and I just ran. I remember one of the dreams that was really interesting, it was dark and I was running as fast as I could up a big hill, I knew that I had to do whatever I could to get out of there, coming down the hill at me were all sorts of animals, I specifically remember the hyenas and the snakes. The coolest part about it was that nothing could touch me, I ran through all of these dangerous things coming at me but I was completely unharmed. All of the nightmares presented themselves the same sort of way, I was running from something, there was danger everywhere, yet I was unharmed.

I will only give vague details of a trial I faced because I don’t believe more is necessary. While I was out one night a situation presented itself to me and immediately I knew that I had get away from it anyway that I could, and I did of course, unharmed physically, emotionally is another story. I believe that one of my “nightmares” specifically warned me about that situation. A few days later I received a message regarding the situation; let’s just say that it was way beyond my capacity to emotionally handle the insults that were thrown against me. After the initial shock, only by God’s grace I was able to take a moment to look at the situation logically and it was in that moment I knew I could either try to handle the situation on my own and once again become self destructive and go back down the path I just came from, or I could completely surrender it to God. I decided to surrender it to God, I had no idea what that looked like, but I decided to just pray and trust in Him. As I opened up my Bible I ended up on the page with 2Cor 12: 8 – 10. The words struck me like a bat to the head as I sat and sobbed.

“8. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9. Each time he said “MY GRACIOUS FAVOR IS ALL YOU NEED. MY POWER WORKS BEST IN YOUR WEAKNESS.” … …10.Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Looking back on the situation I wondered “How did I surrender it to God?” Then I realized I didn’t do anything but in a moment I decided with all my heart, that I would trust Him. That is it! It is so simple, yet we as humans, me included, have such a hard time with it! I know with out a doubt if I did not decide to trust God to take care of the situation, I would not have had such incredible healing from it, in fact I have hardly had any pain at all. God said I AM ENOUGH. His GRACE is so AMAZING! He used that situation to show me more of his love, more of his character, and to guide me to make some dramatic life changes, that I know are leading to a path that will fill me with joy and glorify Him!

Funnily enough, this incident also inspired the beginning of my blog.

Give More, Love More, The World is in Need of Your Help

Written Shortly after my mission trip to Mexico December 2009.


La Mision, Mexico

We spend all our time searching for happiness, looking for love, trying desperately to find a sense of purpose; we do anything and everything possible to obtain these things.

Well for the first time in my life I realized what life is actually all about, it is not something that can be taught in a classroom, found on Google or seen in a picture, in fact the only way to truly learn is to experience it with such intensity that there is no denying the truth that is staring you in the face.

While in Mexico we spent two mornings in a dump in Tijuana making a hot meal for the children living there. This was their only hot meal of the day, and potentially their only meal, talk about having your heart in your throat. As I watched the children come in to eat, knowing their circumstances, I had a pain in my heart so unbearable I could hardly hold back the tears, yet the children had such incredible joy radiating out of them. I recall two brothers, so silly, I laughed so hard my stomach hurt, and I don’t even know half of what they were saying. They made eating grilled cheese more enjoyable then I ever thought it could be. They finished everything on their plate, politely said “Gracias” and then went about their way. I wondered why and how they could have so much joy when they literally had nothing. When one of the boys was asked where his house was (which consisted of old rotted wood, and anything else they could find to put it together) he said [translated] “My house is in my heart in Jesus”.

We spent a day in Primo Tapia giving out 100 food hampers to families in most immediate need. House after house a different story, the same unbelievable poverty. All these people each with their own story, whether it is the widow with 9 children, the father on kidney dialysis waiting for a liver transplant, or the many husbands without work and no means to feed and clothe their families, they all shared one of the same characteristics, their welcoming love, “Mi Casa es su Casa”, my house is your house. These people didn’t have much, but what they had they were proud of and what is more is that they wanted to share everything that they had with a complete stranger.

There is one family I met when we were giving out food hampers, an elderly couple in their 70’s and a lady who comes to care for them, who also lives in poverty. As I walked into their living space, it was not even suitable to call a house. I will describe it as best as I can. It was made of brick, with arch shaped windows, no glass, a piece of wood waist high used as a door. The ground was dirt, there was a small fire with a pot sitting over top of it. I was greeted at first by two woman giving me big hugs, as I looked over to my right I saw a man sitting on a chair, pain on his face like I have never seen in my life. He looked completely broken, hopeless as he got up to give me a welcoming hug, I held back the tears. We began to talk to the family and the caretaker took us to the one room in the house, a tiny concrete room, it was like a cellar you would see in someone’s basement, it took me a second to realize where I was, but as I looked around I saw sheets and a blanket on the concrete floor, and a cowboy hat hanging on the wall. When I begun to comprehend that this elderly couple who have worked hard their entire lives, abandoned by their children, slept in a old building on concrete floor with the freezing cold wind blowing in. The tears started flowing down my face as I could not believe what a selfish life I live. How many times have I complained about being uncomfortable on a bed, too cold, or worse yet, too hot. How did it come to be that I live in a society where we want a bigger house, a better car, the newest fashion trends, the fittest body, the prettiest face, when the 80% of world lives in poverty? When I compare myself to North American Society, I am certainly not wealthy, I have enough to get buy, but I tell you this, compared to 80% of the world, I am incredibly wealthy. So if I sit here and think that I do not have enough to give I am sadly mistaken, I have more than enough. If you have found a way to the internet and are reading this then you also have more than enough.

The story of the elderly couple would not be complete if I didn’t write this next part. We prayed for them, as they accepted Jesus in to their hearts for the first time, it was incredibly powerful and I left their feeling all kinds of emotions I didn’t understand. After we finished delivering food hampers we returned to the local church, as we were departing I saw the elderly couple walking towards me, the look on the old man’s face was not the same as I had seen only an hour before, in fact it was actually a smile. He and his wife had walked at least 45 minutes down to the church to tell us that after praying for healing of his eye (which was wounded and painful) that he was healed, his eye did not hurt anymore, and he was beginning to see out of it again. These people were no longer the couple I had met in the cold concrete building, they were left changed with renewed hope and renewed hearts.

Why write this, and what does this have to do with life’s purpose? It is simply this, what do these people living in poverty have that gives them joy? The have the ability to GIVE, everything they have even if it is not much. They have LOVE, love for their families, love for the people in their community, and in many cases love for the Lord. So really life’s purpose is simple, give all you have, whether it is using your talents to help others, give to organization that is meaningful to you or one of the thousand other ways to give. Next love, love the poor, love your family, your friends, love the stranger who lives on the street that you walk by everyday or the worker at the coffee shop struggling to get by. I know for a fact that if you find ways to give more, and love more, you will find yourself feeling more purposeful then you ever thought possible, I encourage you to take this leap, get out of your comfort zone and start making the world a better place.

http://www.globalissues.org/article/26/poverty-facts-and-stats

Take a minute to scroll through the facts on that website. I believe that people are good, and that they want to help others, the hard part in North America seems to be “how do we help” and "where do we start?". Let’s put our heads together and make change.

-The elderly couple in Primo Tapia is in need of a house. Let’s help them!

-I know of a local family who is in need of a wheelchair accessible home and does not have the financial resources. Let’s help them!

-Haiti is now, more than ever in need of Canadian’s help. Let’s find a way to contribute!

Forever Changed

I feel that God is leading me into worldwide missions. I have always desired to help those in third world countries facing injustice. I have been passionate about justice for as long as I can remember, whether it was standing up for my younger brother being bullied, or desiring to help the child on tv suffering from starvation. The more I study the word of God the more I long to do so.

When I was completing my degree in Kinesiology, I enjoyed it, but I never felt like God was calling me to further purse work or education in the field. In the back of mind I always thought, "I know I need to get this education, but I believe God will use it for a purpose other than the obvious". I currently work as as a exercise rehabilitation specialist and although it it rewarding helping people in my community recover from injuries, I don't feel I am fully walking out God's purpose for my life.

After I finished my degree I decided to do an extra semester abroad teaching Health and Physical Education in Antigua, West Indies in May 2009. This was one of the most valuable experiences I have ever had. It was wonderful to show children games that incorporated life skills (leadership, communication ect) and to teach them about healthy habits (nutrition, smoking, hygiene, STD's). It was incredible to be able to show love to children who many told me experienced violence in their homes. Yet I left there feeling so broken, like I hadn't done a thing to help them. I heard so many horrible stories, saw children being beaten, saw the scars on their bodies, I knew at that point how we as humans, without the love of Christ, making a sustainable impact on the world is incredibly difficult, if not impossible. I hope that maybe the love I showed those children will be enough to change their life, maybe not, but for everlasting long term change, I realized that the foundation of love through Christ is essential.

God blessed me with the opportunity to see how Christ can change lives and a community as I spent Christmas 2009 in La Mision, Mexico, building an orphanage and serving in an already flourishing orphanage. As I heard stories from the locals how God had changed their lives, and given them so much hope, I was filled with overwhelming joy and a new understanding of how God works to change lives. I saw people with nothing, but a joy so vibrant, it could only have been from the Lord.

After experiencing these things, I want to become more. I want to grow deeper with Christ so that I can be used to make lasting change in the lives of others who have no hope.

My Transformation

I grew up in a household with parents of faith. We regularly attended church and I attended 2 different Catholic elementary schools (in different towns). I remember when I was in grade 9 we had some people with the gift of evangelism and prophecy come to our church. They prayed for me as I fully accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior, it was a feeling like no other; I received the gift of tongues and felt the Holy Spirit wash over me.

Since then I look at my life as the parable of the farmer scattering seed told in Luke 8:5-8. When I was young my faith was like the seed that fell on the hard path, I heard the message but the devil came and stole it away. When I was born again in grade 9 my faith was like the seed on rocky soil, I heard the message with joy, but like a young plant in the soil my roots didn't go very deep. After a few years of testing and trials I found the Lord again in my 2nd year of university while pursing my Bachelors of Kinesiology, but this time it was like the seed among the thorns where all the cares, riches and pleasures of this life crowded out my faith. After a few more years of struggles, heartbreak and grief the Lord found me and showed me His love in ways I had never thought possible. He carried me, held my hand and now is pushing me to new levels of understanding and love. I like to think of my walk now as the seed that fell among good soil, as I cling to God's word, and desire to steadily produce a huge harvest. I long to go deeper and deeper into my relationship with Christ.