How Do You Learn to Live with Hurt in your Heart…

… And Where is God

     When your pain leads you to the question WHY God?

     I think to some degree, if you have lived on this earth for any period of time, you have had some sort of hurt happen to you. Sometimes it happens for a short period of time and the situation is resolved, but sometimes it is an illness of a loved one and it hurts really bad initially, and you don’t know how long the hurt will last, at first everything seems like a blur, you pray for the best and get prepared for the worst.

     In my life I have always tried to be empathetic to those around me who have a loved one with an illness, in whatever capacity I can. I can never understand what they are going through, but I offer support in my own human limited capacity. The longer you live the more you come across this. When I was very involved in Christian ministry the prayer was non-stop for those who were sick, dying, hurt, in terrible situations and somehow you just preserve through it, you empathize with it but ultimately you give it to the Lord, eventually try to let go of the burden and you move on. That’s what I did. Moved on from prayer ministry all together, its like any other job, you get burnt out, you feel overworked, under appreciated, the only hope is that your are doing something for the greater good and one day your reward is in heaven. I can’t say that I’ve yet to recover, I’ve defiantly seen some miracles, maybe seen some others, and who knows about the rest. There is no instant reward for this kind of work, no glory, no acknowledgment all you receive is another email that the church needs more money and more volunteers. Prayer is expected as a Christian, but the importance never acknowledged. We rely solely on faith, faith that God hears, faith that everything will be okay, this is what you are supposed to do.

     What about when the real questions come out? The questions that start with WHY God? Whether you believe in God or not, often both believer and non-believers ask this question. If I’m honest with myself, I too find myself asking this question, on many different fronts, both in world matters and personal matters. I can say that often He answers me, in of course, mysterious ways, but it doesn’t mean that it makes sense. I find myself asking God Why, I find myself trying to learn to pray again, and something that was so natural before seems so difficult now. Why? The answer is easy, because of all the hurt I’ve experienced, because of all the unexplainable events I’ve seen. I am thankful that God planted deep roots in me, roots to believe and trust in Him, because even in my completely messed up, human state, I can stand before the Lord, in no fancy language, and ask Him, WHY God? Please help me to understand, please show me how to pray, please give my brother healing and understanding and faith and hope. The kind of faith that I used to have, the kind of faith that can move mountains, the kind of faith that can heal the sick and that can raise the dead. Lord we are nothing but broken humans and we, your children, need you, we need to you come to earth and bring your healing. Ultimately you are God, this is not the end, and we Love you.

     So we sit here on earth, broken hearted, but holding on to God and his glory and His love, hoping, praying for a miracle.