The Little White Dress with Dirt Stains and a Broken Zipper

I need to write, I sit here, on Christmas morning, so thankful that the Lord granted my prayer for our whole family to be together on Christmas, yet I can’t help but feel my aching heart.

There are memories that stand out to me from Haiti, so vivid, so emotional, that no matter how much I personally desire to stay home, I know I must return to Haiti. I remember, Christmas Eve last year, sitting in church beside this little girl. She had on a pretty white dress, it was covered in dirt stains and the zipper in the back didn’t work. She snuggled up close to me and looked at me with her big brown eyes, I could see the look on her face that showed how excited she was to be sitting beside me and how like every other girl she just wanted to look beautiful and be noticed and loved by someone. I had flashbacks of my youth, same feelings as a little girl but such different circumstances, a clean beautiful handmade dress, surrounded by family that loved and adored me. I struggled to hold back the tears as I sat through the church service and I prayed with all my heart “Lord, please let this little amount of love that I show her be enough to help her through the hardest and painful moment of her life. Please let her always remember this as a picture of the love of Jesus and that she may know He is always with her.”

After the service her sister, not much older than her, grabbed her arm and ripped her out of the pew dragging her home, she looked back at me with a huge smile on her face; my heart ripped in two and I knew I would never be the same again.

As tears flow down my face all I can do is sit here and stare at the wall. No matter the sacrifice I have to make, no matter the insults I have to endure, to show the love of Jesus, even to one little soul far surpasses every price that I will pay. Love will overcome every obstacle and I’m so full of gratitude that Jesus was born this Christmas day and chose to give His life for me that I may have eternal life. I am so thankful for the love that Jesus fills my spirit with and I am honored to go out to the poor and needy to share this love. When faith is centered on a love relationship with Jesus, it is no longer a sacrifice, just joy that comes with falling more in love with Jesus by sharing Him with the world.

This verse, a theme of my journey stands out yet again this morning. Every time I take a step of faith this verse becomes even more meaningful to me. The Lord’s love and grace is so deep and so in-comprehensive!

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ESV

9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Picture: Girl in Haiti in a white dress.

Blessings of Joy to you this Christmas,

Alicia

Misunderstanding the Word GOOD

This may be one of the most significant things I ever write, thank you Father for choosing me to spread your love. It is all about you JESUS!

Simple Gospel

Please read through the following passages, let the word GOOD stand out to you.

Creation

Genesis 1

3Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. 4God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness.

10God called the dry land earth, and the gathering of the waters He called seas; and God saw that it was good

12The earth brought forth vegetation, plants yielding seed after their kind, and trees bearing fruit with seed in them, after their kind; and God saw that it was good.

16God made the two great lights, the greater light to govern the day, and the lesser light to govern the night; He made the stars also. 17God placed them in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth,18and to govern the day and the night, and to separate the light from the darkness; and God saw that it was good.

21God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that moves, with which the waters swarmed after their kind, and every winged bird after its kind; and God saw that it was good.

25God made the beasts of the earth after their kind, and the cattle after their kind, and everything that creeps on the ground after its kind; and God saw that it was good.

27God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

31God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good.


After reading this I got to thinking about the word GOOD. In culture today we use the word good so causally, in a greeting “How are you?” “I’m good.” We overuse use the phrase “God is Good” and it seems we often lose the true meaning behind it. I did a word study on “GOOD” in the bible, it occurs in various forms 8348 times!!! Below are some the definitions for the word Good:(each time you read one of these definitions, think of the word Good immediately after).

Possessing desirable qualities; promoting success, welfare, or happiness; excellent; admirable; commendable;

Possessing moral excellence or virtue; virtuous; pious;”to know good and evil”

Kind; benevolent; humane; merciful; gracious; polite; propitious; friendly Clever; skillful; dexterous; ready; handy;

Adequate; sufficient; competent; sound; not fallacious;

AND take a look at THIS!!!

Not lacking or deficient; full; COMPLETE..

My mind is going in a million different directions right now, I could go off on so many tangents, but think about this: God IS GOOD ie Not lacking or deficient, full, complete. AND God talks about his creation including us (mankind) in Genesis 1:31 He says “31God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good.”

What?! So does that mean that God created us not lacking or deficient, full, complete?! Yes I know that this was written before Adam and Eve sinned BUT check this out! God wanted to re-create this GOOD Garden of Eden that He made and He knew the only way to do that would be to send HIS ONLY SON to hang on a CROSS for our (mankind) SINS. As a human race we really were not doing so well with the law and the old covenant, the Old Testament shows that pretty clearly. SO to re-create this original creation God did away with the law when Jesus died on the cross. Now here is the part that is SO AMAZING!!! JESUS died defeated sin and death and then HE ROSE AGAIN!!! So this must mean that JESUS is ALIVE! Then to top it off God sent HIS spirit so that GOD, JESUS could live inside of US. This is by far the best GOOD NEWS that we humans could ever hear! We get to live in complete intimacy with JESUS NOW! Jesus did not stay in the grave, HE came out for US! This GOOD Garden of Eden lives inside of us, complete fellowship with Jesus, a lifestyle of worship praise and all honor and Glory goes to our AMAZING Father in heaven. My HEART is completely overtaken by this amazing love! God created me to love Him and worship him until I get to meet Jesus face to face! I LOVE this GOOD NEWS!!!

SO then, every GOOD and perfect GIFT comes from our Father in Heaven. That means that absolutely everything on this earth that is GOOD is of GOD. There is absolutely no evil in God, think about this in your day to day life. Was your breakfast good? Yep that was a gift from God. Did you get a nice complement from someone? Yep gift from God. Is the sun shining? Gift from God. Is it raining? Yep Gift from God, we would all die without water. Do you have friends, family in your life? Gift from God. God is only GOOD. Let’s stop blaming Him for all the bad stuff in life because it is not from God. Jesus lives inside of us but until He comes again for His bride (believers of Jesus) we live in a fallen world ruled by satan.

So God gave us the greatest Gift we could ever have, HIS BELOVED SON, imagine being God knowing truly how GOOD God is and then having to come live on earth…eek! Then God still showers us with unending Gifts everyday and HE LOVES to do that for HIS CHILDREN!

WOW!!! So next time you say the word GOOD, think a little more about it!

I am so overcome with this GOOD love I can barely even type these words. Let us join together and spread this love of God all over the earth!

And if you have never accepted Jesus into your life all you have to do is confess that you are a sinner and then ask HIM to come into your life and believe by FAITH that you have received him. Jesus is SO interested in living inside of you! That is why He DIED on the cross; HE knows you’re WORTH it! He wants you to know HIM!

WOW! THANK YOU FATHER! I am speechless and humbled by your mercy. I am so not worthy for this love. I thank you for everything you have done for us. Let my life be a song and dance of worship to you!


Love your Daughter,

Alicia

Picture: Christmas 2010 Haiti

What is Reality?

Balancing the reality of Jesus, the reality of this world, the reality of my circumstances and the reality of the difference in living in the 1st and 3rd world just takes its toll on me some days. Those are the times where I try to function but eventually I just run away to my hiding place unable to do anything but picture myself jumping into the arms of Jesus as he takes all my burdens. For me, to mirror this in the natural would be to go hang out with a bunch of kids, preferably the ones in 3rd world countries, the way Jesus lives with them is just so unique and so refreshing. As much as I desire to head off on a jet plane at a moment’s notice I find myself with a strong conviction to just wait and be patient, a difficult season.

I often dream, sometimes so vivid and so real that it takes me a good chunk of the day to figure out if it was real or not, so on top of the realities mentioned above, I too have this dream reality. Last night I was weeping with the desire to go visit Haiti as I drifted off to sleep. Then the Lord blessed me in a way that only He could. I spent the night in an orphanage in Haiti with my good friend who is there now serving. It very real and I remember it well. When I woke up I could still feel warmth of the children’s hugs, see their beautiful smiles, and smell the scents of Haiti that once used to make me cringe but now only make my heart dance with fond memories. It was like I had spent a week working in Haiti and I felt completely satisfied.
I fought to keep the joy from this dream alive as I continued throughout the day with all the other realties crashing down on me. I did not succeed for very long.

I struggle often with very deep doubt and when this begins to occur I’ve learned to start taking it as a sign that I’m headed in the right direction. It’s different than the normal day to day doubt that I face, it can get so severe that I end up with a mass of chaos and confusion in my mind as I try to war off satans lies to me. It’s the same lies that I believed when I was in Haiti, the same lies that tell me I’m nobody, these always come when I’m alone, as much as I recognize what’s going on, it never makes it any easier.

I’m so thankful for my brothers and sisters in Christ who are there to encourage and lift me up.

Thank You Lord for Dreams!


I am Blessed!


Picture: Haiti babies in my dream

The true meaning of Christmas...

Open our eyes Lord!

I sit here, warm cozy on my bed, I have every physical need met, yet my heart aches with an ache so deep I cannot bear it. It’s as if the very heartbeat of the Father is inside of my chest, aching to show His love to the world. I went out looking to get in the spirit of Christmas, I came home utterly devastated, writhed with pain and tears consumed with grief, where is Christmas here? Every bone in my body aches to go out to the poor and needy, to the orphanages I so love to visit, yet my attention is turned and I begin to see that I am amongst the poor and needy, those who have no idea what they are missing in the Love of our Heavenly Father. This may just be the most challenging mission I am yet to face, I’m so overcome with emotion and I don’t know whether I should cry, scream, or run away back to wrap my arms around the beautiful children in the Haiti orphanages.

What am I missing Lord? What am I not seeing? Lord I plea with you, that you would pour out your spirit on us that our eyes and ears may be opened, that our hearts would open up to see you for who you really are. Lord please have mercy on us for oppressing the poor and not setting the captives free, for not tending to the needs of the widows and orphans. Lord that our eyes of our hearts would be opened to what you spoke to the prophet Isaiah in chapter 58.

Lord I’m desperate to do your will, please show me the way and forgive me for my foolish pride.


Isaiah 58
New International Version
________________________________________
True Fasting
1“Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
and to the house of Jacob their sins.
2For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them.

3‘Why have we fasted,’ they say,
‘and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
and you have not noticed?’
“Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
and exploit all your workers.
4Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.

5Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD?

6“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

8Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

11The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
12Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

13“If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the LORD’s holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
14then you will find your joy in the LORD,
and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”
The mouth of the LORD has spoken.

Lord I love you and Praise your holy name.

Picture: Christmas 2010

Monster or Lover?

The picture I have in my mind’s eye of my walk with the Lord right now is like the picture of the giant monster (not that God is a monster, but just bare with me), named Sully and the little girl named Boo from the movie Monsters Inc. It is this wonderful analogy of a complete and unfailing trust in the Lord. This little girl Boo throughout her time spent with Sully developed an unwavering trust in him. She was completely free to enter into Sully’s giant, warm and secure embrace. For Boo, Sully was completely trustworthy. Here is this little girl, with this giant monster, whom most of the world sees as extremely scary, this creature who slays, but the little girl knows the heart of this monster, the character and nature of this monster. She will joyfully jump up in the arms of Sully for a giant hug and she will cry with the ache of her heart just knowing that he will embrace her with his wonderful presence and sweet aroma of love.


This is who the Lord is to me, each day I seek to enter into His warm embrace. I want tell Him everything from the pains of my heart, all my hopes, dreams and dance with him in freedom and joy. There is a full and complete trust that even though He may be a God who slays, a God who brings justice, He is a God who is on my side and I can freely trust Him with every part of my life. To live not as the world lives, but to live in the Glory, as someone who has been saved, redeemed and set free by the Blood of Jesus Christ. To live not by the sight of my human eyes, but by the eyes of faith that are a gift from the Father through the Spirit paid for by the suffering of Jesus on the cross. This is the greatest example of Love.


I pray that every soul would come to know this intimacy with our wonderful Abba.



Blessings,


Alicia

Chased by a Bear

I had this dream in the early morning hours. I was in a forest, by myself, trying to find stillness to hear the Lord speak. The next part I remember is walking back on a narrow path, kind of like a ditch with a mud wall on one side, forest on the other, trees everywhere, fog and the sun was almost set. As I am walking back I see a bear in the tree above me, I start walking faster and wonder if it noticed me. I look back and see that it is following me, I start sprinting as fast as I can as the bear picks up its pace. The bear wasn’t an ordinary bear; it was like one that you would see on a scary move with extra large pointy teeth and human like movements as it chased after me. In the dream I remember not having any fear, but I knew that if I didn’t start moving faster I was in big trouble, so I ran, trusting the Lord, If I died then it was the Lord’s plan, if I lived, it was the Lords plan, I knew that He, the Lord, was there with me.

When the bear almost reached me it took a huge leap at me, then I heard a still small voice say “duck”, so I crunched up into a little ball, which just so happened to be at the bottom of a slight slope, and the bear flew right over top of me. I stayed low and the confused bear looked around, could not see me and then took off over the mud wall. I was safe; I thanked the Lord and continued on my way home.

I woke up calm, but then realized that the dream was a little out of the ordinary, I haven’t been in any forests lately, I certainly haven’t been thinking about bears, and I don’t watch scary movies, so I asked the Lord, what does this mean?

I got to thinking about something one of the speakers said in the School of Circuit Riders, we were talking about Daniel in the book of Daniel and he said “satan has a lion’s den for every prophetic intercessor”. This really stuck with me after the school and I felt that I needed to learn to better guard the gifts God has given me. Satan worked extra hard on me in Haiti and I allowed him to steal the gifts of the Lord from me. Honestly, none of that mattered because I was not only restored the things stolen to me, but I also came out of the battle much stronger, built with much more character and a deeper relationship with the Lord. I never can find the words to describe how absolutely amazing our God is and growing in relationship with Him is above all the most important and satisfying thing on this earth.

Upon arriving home I felt the Lord calling me to do a 40 day Daniel Fast, so for that time period eating only things that came from a seed, so things like fruits, vegetables, grains and lentils. The grace of the Lord was upon me as I spent much time in prayer seeking wisdom and understanding. During this time I did experience very real attacks of the enemy and I truly learnt the power of the name of JESUS. I also began learning the gates that were open in my life at home that was allowing the enemy in, so I worked in prayer with Lord at cleaning out house, and putting guards up. Along with the name of Jesus, I learnt another depth to the power of fellowship and how isolation is such an easy tactic of the enemy, I know that if I am not in one way or another connecting with my brothers and sisters in Christ on a regular bases I quickly begin to get swallowed up in darkness.

One of the greatest challenges for me was fully admitting that as Christians, we are in a battle, we have a real enemy and a real God. Our God always wins and by the blood of Jesus and the Spirit that lives in us, we can persevere through anything. I had to learn to stop shrinking away from the enemy thinking if I back away he’ll just leave me alone, that’s exactly what he wants us to think, but really he’ll just trample us with no mercy. Now I take up the Armour of God and I say, I know who my God is, I know that Jesus Christ has authority over everything in heaven and earth, and that one day He will come again for His Bride. I live daily to keep the oil in my lamp burning and to become more like Jesus.

Thinking back to the dream, it is a clear picture to me of the battle we face, the enemy is on our tail, and yes for now we must stand strong in our faith, until Jesus returns, but as sheep who know the voice of the Lord, when the time comes to make a move we can be sure that the Lord is there to tell us exactly what to do. Getting to know the Lord more through scripture, worship and fellowship is so powerful. Knowing who God is completely removes any fear! What a privilege to be able to co-labor with the God of the universe until Jesus returns! We are so blessed, keeping the first commandment, falling in love with Jesus, is fighting a battle! I love it! God is so good and so worthy of all our praise!

May God Bless you and keep you in the light of His presence and comfort. May He reveal to you the power of His majesty and the Love of Jesus Christ.

All Glory and honor and praise to the Lord our God in heaven.

Love
Alicia

Still Full of GRATITUDE! Hmmm day #???

Now I realize that this 365 day count failed miserably, but I’m glad it did. I began taking pride in the fact that everything in my life was so regimented, I was doing a 40 day Daniel Fast, I was worshiping and praying regularly, I was sharing the gratitude on my heart with others, I was putting on that ‘picture of perfection’. My days of gratitude started to become religious and I couldn’t stand it, it was taking me away from the Lord, Jesus is my everything and I do not want to be like a Pharisee showing off my dedication to the Lord by disciplining myself everyday to write a blog that my heart was no longer in. Not to say that it is wrong to discipline yourself in that way, but for me, it became a thing of pride and my heart motivation was totally wrong. This blog has always been very special to me, I have shared some of my deepest thoughts and most intimate moments with the Lord on here in hopes of inspiring others in their own walk. I did not want this to turn into a robotic act of religion. So I actually had to make myself stop writing, the discipline was there, that wasn’t the problem, but my heart was not.

The Lord has been prompting me to write over the last few weeks, which I have not been completely obedient in, but I am excited to begin again sharing some of what the Lord is teaching me now in this new season of my life.

I had a dream last night that prompted me enough to actually write something, so I will post it in the blog following this one.

I can humbly say that I have been overwhelmed with thankfulness and gratitude over the last few weeks. I constantly find myself sitting and weeping over the graciousness of our Father in heaven and the Lord Jesus Christ. Even now as I sit here, I have tears in my eyes at the wonderful Lord’s provision of all my needs. I pray that you too will have your eyes opened to how much the Lord is doing for you on a daily basis.

I listened to a sermon the other week, Bill Johnson from Bethel Church; he was talking about breakthrough in prayer. Personally I was so frustrated with how many prayers I was waiting on, some for a number of years. Bill made an amazing point that revolutionized my prayer life, it was something along the lines of this; “You need to be constantly praying for all things big and small, when you pray for the small things, you will constantly be experiencing breakthrough while you wait for the bigger things”. He also made the point that if God answered some of prayers now, it might actually ‘kill’ us. This illustrates a great example of how much more the Lord knows our needs than even we do. But remember, never stop praying and asking! It is not that God really needs to be reminded of what He wants to give us, it’s just that we forget and need to be reminded! God will answer our prayers even more beautifully than we can imagine and we need to keep our hearts and eyes open to this or we can miss it!

That morning after listening to that sermon I said “okay Lord, there are many things that I am still interceding for and I will wait for your timing, but Lord, I need some encouragement, so I ask you for someone to buy me a coffee today, thank you, amen”.

Sure enough as I met with my friend to go to a meeting, she says “I need to get a coffee before we go”, and she buys me a coffee! God is so loving, so good, and He is listening to us!
Praise the Lord! His wonderful mercies are new everyday!

Love
Alicia

Day 16 – Equipped

Whew! What a long day! I am speedily easing my way into my new job, so far so good! Normally I like to spend more time writing about my thoughts from the scriptures that I am meditating on, but I have not spent as much time as I would have liked to this week.

Today, as I went about my day, the Lord is constantly reminding me that He is with me, and I fully believe that is true as I live each day to please my Father in Heaven. I am constantly trying to push to the next level in all areas of my life and the Lord often reminds me to slow down. This morning as I was driving into work I had such a gentle reminder from God, that He has fully equipped me with everything I need to fully complete the purpose He has for me today. Even as I write this He is reminding me that I can, at anytime tap into to the Lords power as I humble myself before Him.

Yesterday I wrote a little about the grace of God I feel on my life that helps to make each day so much more beautiful. Today I was thinking about the day I will get to meet Jesus and how it is going to be so unbelievably amazing that everything else will be so insignificant in comparison.

So tonight is another evening of writing barely able to keep my eyes open and I can't seem to think much past what I’ve already written. I look forward to the weekend and spending some more time reflecting on what the Lord is doing and putting some thoughts on paper. Right now I am learning how to listen to the Lord’s voice in ordinary chaos both challenging and exciting.

I can hear the Lord whispering in my heart, relax, still yourself, listen and let me speak to you.

Thank you Father that you are my strong tower, my refuge and I trust in you to protect me from all evil.

Amen


Alicia

Day 15 – Mission Impossible!

God’s grace is so wonderful! I am so thankful for the times where He seems to pour an extra portion of His grace on me! There are times that are tougher and I know God is teaching me many valuable lessons and growing my character. Then there are the precious times where He pours out His grace and mercy so much more to help me complete the things He has assigned to me.

The first time I really noticed this was in Haiti. I would constantly look back on the day and just be amazed at the things we as a team did, wondering things like how on earth we were alive after the crazy truck and motorcycle rides, how the heck did we just deliver a baby in the tent city or how we had such a huge capacity to love. I could write a novel purely on the list of things God’s grace covered while being in Haiti.

I bring this up now because as I begin this job and this new season home in Canada I can feel that God has this kind of grace on me once again. To be able to withstand things I could not on my own, resist temptations, stay grounded in my faith, not fear man and continually surrender turning my eyes back to Jesus. I know these things have also come through fiery trials, iron sharpening iron, testing of my heart and faithfulness to the Lord to grow my character. These things are still a part of my walk with the Lord, but I am incredibly grateful for times like this when I reflect on a day and I see how the power of the Lord and His grace enabled me to do so many things I truly could never do on my own.

I am far from perfect and I understand the deep need for God centered relationships in my life and I pray that God will continually surround me with people of faith who can encourage me and in turn I can also encourage them.

I am beginning to see what my mission field for this season looks like and I look forward to the days ahead.

Thank You Father for everything you have done and do for me. I acknowledge that every good and perfect gift comes from you.

Alicia

Day 14 – Prayer Please!

Wow! The Lord sure has me busy fast! I chose a job in faith, believing that this may lay a foundation to propel me and free me into doing the work the Lord will call me too later in my life. I am actually really enjoying it and learning so much every day!

Lately I am so aware and I am amazed at the goodness of God and all the people He has surrounded me with. I am truly blessed! It is so neat to get to know people and see the beauty of how God created them to be. I think the best part about this job that I am doing in a fitness facility is that I truly have the chance to help people through exercise, gain confidence, health and really learn who they are as they spend time physically pushing their bodies. There is so much opportunity in this job position and I am really excited to see where the Lord takes it.

Amidst all the commotion of a new job, training athletes and my own training my bible reading is definitely slipping, I still always manage to find time to read it, but I am not taking time needed to really study scriptures. I know once I get a routine down it will be easier but I ask for your prayers that I will put this at the top of my priorities. I know this time in the word is so crucial for me so that I do not get caught up in the self worship that is so evident all around me. So I ask for your prayers and I thank you so much for all of your support!
May the Lord Bless you with renewed hope and joy this week!

Blessings
Alicia

Day 13 – God Is With Us!

I am so thankful that Jesus knows every part of my heart, He knows what I like, what I dislike, and He knows how to win my heart back to Him when all seems lost. In fact He knows my heart so much better than I do and I am constantly learning new things about the way God created me to be as I spend time with Jesus. I am learning to take my disappointments and turn them into experiences where I learn more about who God is and in turn more about whom God created me to be. Often I think I know what I want or what best for me, when really God has had it all is figured out since the moment He created me. So cool! What a relief that I can have complete faith and trust in God and that He knows exactly what He is doing with my life! He will never mislead me, forsake me, lie to me, steal from me, inflict unjust discipline on me, and He will never ever stop loving me! Life is so much simpler and so much more beautiful knowing the God of the universe is interested in my life. God goes with me wherever I go! That is seriously awesome!

Thank you Father that you will never leave me or forsake me! Thank you that you showed me the ultimate example of love by sending Jesus Christ to die on the cross for my sins so that I may one day have salvation. Thank you for sending your spirit to guide me every day. Bless you Abba!

Alicia

Day 13 – Grace

I am so thankful for the grace of God.
There is so much depth to it that I know I will never even come close to fully understanding it
It covers so many of my weaknesses
It helps me through so many days
And so man tough situations
It overwhelms me with peace
And allows me to overcome my circumstances
It gives me comfort, assurance and security
That Jesus Christ is all I need.
It washes over my sins
And purifies my soul
Without it I am lost
Broken, forgotten and desperate
With it I am full of peace and joy of the Lord.
Thank you Lord for covering me with you everlasting Love.

I pray that you come to greater understanding of the Lord’s grace each and every day.
Blessings,

Alicia

Day 12 – The Air I Breathe

Sometimes, days are just really tough and no matter how hard you try, when you are isolated, you just can’t seem to find the Godly perspective on things. So Lord I ask you, “How do you see me?”
He says:

“Beautiful, lovely, gracious, full of mercy and compassion, kind, gentle, caring, understanding, peaceful, strong, courageous, bold, encouraging, joyful, patient, longsuffering, royalty, daughter of the King of Kings, friend of God and disciple, sister, lover of Jesus.”

Thank you Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit for these gifts.

Lord please help me to see myself as you see me. I need you more than the air I breathe Lord. Thank you for giving me life and for loving me as your child.

Alicia

Day 11 – Hugs

This evening I am thinking about all my friends out on the mission field around the world. I am so thankful to know so many amazing people and to be able to read their stories. I have to say when it comes to sharing the love of Jesus, there is nothing quite like sitting and holding orphaned children. They have so much love to share, we give them a little bit and they give us a 100 fold back. Often when you hold a very young child, or a baby they will immediately fall asleep on you, they just never get the physical touch that they so desperately need. If you even think of doing a mission trip to a third world nation, even for just two weeks, I would highly encourage it. You don’t need any special skill because showing the love of Jesus by holding a mother and fatherless child is powerful than you will ever know, every little bit of love counts.

I am especially encouraged my amazing friend Marisa and the stories she shares. Here is one from this week in Jamaica:


Ministry Highlight

At the orphanage we visited I got to spend several hours with this precious girl, Chantel. The volunteers there didn't know how old she was, nor could they remember her ailment, but I would guess she was between 4-6 years. When I came across Chantel she was lying alone on a worn blanket, with hands crumpled up and legs stiff. Every 5 mins or so her body contracts into what seems like a seizure, with muscles tensing and shaking uncontrollably for a good 15-30 seconds. Chantel is one of about 7 children there with mental ailments due to incest and alcoholic mothers.

Lying there alone I couldn't help but go to her and although she couldn't speak, she loved having me talk with her. As I sat with her in my lap there was a moment where I was overwhelmed with such deep desire to take her home with me. It broke my heart to feel her body rage out of her own control, leaving her whimpering after each attack. She and I had a wonderful morning together singing, dancing, praying and praising God for the way He loves her more than I every can!

"For you, O Lord, are my hope,
my trust, O LORD, from my youth."
Psalm 71:5



May God Bless you and keep you in the light of His presence and comfort Marisa.
Love You!


Alicia

Day 10 – Abba

I truly am blessed with an amazing father here on earth, I could not ask for a better dad, always there for me to stand up for me, show me his love, kindness and mercy.

I also am so thankful that our Heavenly Father is such a good father and He loves us so much. He even lets us call Him Abba, a term filled with so much love and adoration. I love that He is always guiding me, always teaching me, and always loving me. I am so blessed that He is with me wherever I go. I am far from perfect, but my father sees me as perfect by the blood of Jesus and that is all the security I need. The miraculous blessing of calling God of the universe Abba!

It seems my next season will look far different than I imagined, I am constantly seeking the Lord in that I am going the direction He is intending for me, I want nothing less than all that the Father has for me. I want to do His will; I want to be the world changer He created me to be. I want to be gentle as a lamb, but fierce as a lion. I know the love of Jesus is power and I know there is a real enemy out there, looking to put me in a lion’s den. I am in the last moments of decisions for my next step and I am trusting in the Lord to show me a clear answer.

I would really appreciate your prayers! I ask for prayer for protection, increased wisdom and discernment in decision making and new relationships.

Thank you so much.

Bless you!

Alicia

Day 9 – Privileged

What is the miracle today? Well I was thinking about the fact that I have been trying new recipes for the last month and I haven’t burnt down the house the house yet, I defiantly think God deserves the credit on that one. For real though, I knew that after writing that post yesterday that the Lord was going to challenge me on my truthfulness of finding my Joy in Jesus despite my circumstances. So I am challenged today in that very area and I just really love the peace that comes with knowing and believing the Lord’s plans are far better than our own. I’m so privileged to have the most amazing mentorship around me right now (Thanks Mom, Dad, Kim, and Marilyn). I don’t know what I would do without it! I count my blessings and look forward to what each new day brings!

Thank you Lord that you are my provider!

Alicia

Day 8 – Redemption!

I am so grateful for what God is doing in my life right now, He is breathing life into my dry bones by providing opportunities to work in what I love, athletics. I won’t go into details because it is still a work in progress, but the Lord is continually showing me His goodness and how valuable I am as part of His royal family, a sister of Jesus Christ, friend of God. I had so much peace today, I’m about to embark on an incredibly difficult journey but I could not be more excited! A lot of things in my life have not gone the way I wanted them too, and still some things are not, but I take great joy in Jesus, and not in my circumstances. So I sit here, waiting, moving forward, one step at a time, and learning to enjoy every minute of it.

I’ve been reading through the book of JOB, possibly the oldest book in the Bible, a book on suffering, a book on ‘Why do bad things happened to good people?’ How often do we ask that question? I feel like I can relate to so much of JOB’s feelings as he cries out to Lord. Then in Chapter 10 verse 32-35 (Sourceview NLT) I was struck by the reality of the blood of Jesus Christ and the power of the intercession He makes daily for us. How awful it must have been to have lived in a time like JOB where Jesus had not conquered death.

JOB 10:32-35
“God is not a mortal like me, so I cannot argue with him or take him to trial. 33 If only there were a mediator between us, someone who could bring us together. 34 The mediator could make God stop beating me, and I would no longer live in terror of his punishment. 35 Then I could speak to him without fear, but I cannot do that in my own strength.”

I think about my trials, the pain, the torment, I know it is the work of satan, but God allows it to happen, and I have experienced and believe He allows it for very specific reasons. He is building my character and teaching me lessons. A while ago I made conscious decision, whenever things were going really awful in my life, I would spend the time and truly seek out the lesson that God was teaching me and praise Him in the storm. I am determined to learn the lesson first time round because I just got plain tired of going around the mountain over and over. I’ve never had a kind of life where things were just simple and easy, I’ve always had to fight, I’ve always had to persevere and I’ve always had to suffer. I look back and I know the only way that I am redeemed from the fiery trials is by the blood of Jesus, and a merciful, gracious God. I know I am still in a season of training for something even greater and I am so thankful that I get to do it in a work field that have I tremendous passion for.

I keep getting this picture of me sitting in an interrogation room, God on the other side of the table and Jesus and the Holy Spirit on either side of me. God has a kind gentle smile on His face but He is asking me to plead my case before Him, this is a part of training. As I read through the Bible I see many of the Lord’s chosen ones, pleading for themselves and on behalf of the people, I don’t think it is an uncommon practice. Today we often call it prayer and intercession, praying the Lord’s will from Heaven to earth. So daily I make prayer and plead my case before the Lord and I plead on behalf of others who will not acknowledge the Mighty Power of God.

What is the miracle? It’s the redemption from our fiery trials by the blood of Jesus Christ and that we can absolutely and completely trust that when we turn to Jesus for forgiveness, we are completely forgiven and washed clean on the spot. We can face our sin, confront it, ask and receive the forgiveness and it is a new day for us. Jesus is so good!!!

I thank you Lord Jesus for dying on the cross for my sins, Thank you for your mercy Lord, Bless you Father.

Amen

Alicia


Picture: Teaching Health and PE in Antigua

Day 7 – It’s Not Sacrifice

I think it so cool how we can serve a God that wants a relationship with us, a real deep and meaningful relationship, a relationship based on love. I just love how we don’t have to do anything for God to fall in love with us, He is already so completely in Love with us and nothing we do, good or bad, can change how He feels about us. It is so comforting in a world that teaches us the exact opposite.

I’ve just been thinking a lot about the miracle of this kind of love (probably obvious since I tend to write about it a lot). I hear so many teachings on sacrifice, a relationship with God is sacrifice, this is very true but when you put love in the picture, it changes absolutely everything.

It’s like falling in love with someone, when you do, nothing else matters, you would do anything for that person and you wouldn’t spent all your time thinking about every sacrifice that you have made for that person, that wouldn’t be a very good form of love, in my opinion. I have found myself recently convicted of this I think about the prices I’ve paid and I say “Hey God, remember all this stuff I did for you, all this stuff I gave up for you…” Well I feel a bit silly now writing it, but God reminds me, although He is pleased that I would give up everything to know Him, it’s not the point, because I don’t have to earn His love, I already have all of it!

So I continue to contemplate this kind of miraculous love, learning more each and every day.

I pray for you and fresh touch of God’s love in your life!


Alicia

Day 6 – Simplicity

I had much swirling through my mind today about what to write but then I felt that those messages were for another day and today was simply this: I am thankful for the miraculous gift of life on this earth. I woke up today, so it meant I had still had a purpose to be fulfilled, I am thankful for this.

Father, thank you for teaching me about the beauty of the simple things in life; making my bed, cooking a meal, the sunrise, the sunset, giving someone a smile and receiving one back. It’s the little things that make life extra special.

I love you Lord Jesus.

Alicia

Day 5 – Exercise!

I have to say, I am so grateful for the gift of exercise. I’ve been involved in some sort of sport since a very young age and during my kinesiology degree I was blessed to be able to learn so much about this amazing human body that God gave us! I spent 5 years studying it and only tapped into the beginning of its complexities! I enjoy learning about how the body works, exercise and healthy eating and I was sure I didn’t take this for granted.

Well, when I went to Haiti the large majority of our food was unhealthy, it hurt my stomach so much every day, and I couldn’t exercise, either because there was nowhere to exercise, my stomach was in too much pain from the food, or it just was not safe. A few times in Port au Prince I was able to convince one guy and girl to go out for a morning run with me (we had to have 3 people, a guy being one of them). At another house, we had a 3 meter by 3 meter deck and a short flight of stairs. We would spend an hour or two jumping up and down on the deck, singing and running the stairs, while a guy sat on a chair on the roof next to us, watching us like some crazy American television show. A few times I was also able to skip with the girls or play some soccer with the boys on the rough uneven gravel ground with roots sticking up everywhere. We also went on a hike one day to go feed and pray for some people way up in the mountains, I think it ended up being like a 10 hour day or something, most people were grumbling, but I was so ecstatic to be doing so much exercise!

I really struggled with this, I wanted to be humble, I wanted to be obedient to the Lord, so I went to Haiti, knowing that I would not get much exercise or good food. I also gave up rowing, which is my greatest passion, I wanted to follow the Lord, and I knew that I was putting sport ahead of God. I thought it would be easy, but it was far from it. I struggled with guilt, feeling bad that I wanted so badly to exercise and eat well when there are millions of people starving to death all around me, it was so incredibly difficult. I felt so incomplete, so lost and through this time, instead of always using exercise as an outlet I had to go deeper with the Lord, and discover new ways of release. The way the Lord planned for me to do this was what I was worst at, communicating my feelings, believe it or not. I am able to write much easier than I am able to speak my feelings out loud to others. So I ended up getting deeper relationships with those around me, then I otherwise ever would have. I still am working on communication, but I am excited at the blessings God has given to me through it.

Two of the months in Haiti were some of my most difficult times and I am so thankful for them. When it comes to exercise, I really do feel I have achieved a healthy balance most of the time, the Lord always has to come first. This is not the first time I have laid down exercise for the Lord, but I hope that if I can maintain the balance He is asking for me, that I can have much of it in my lifestyle. Every single day since arriving home from Haiti, I am thankful beyond words, every time I get to exercise; even thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. It may seem silly, but when you give up something you love to do, more than anything, your greatest passion, and the merciful Lord restores it to you, it shows God’s merciful love in such a new depth, it’s indescribable. Now I know, when the Lord asks me to give things up for Him, He has a better plan, simple as that, some things He may restore tenfold, and for other things, the blessings are waiting in Heaven.

I don’t normally like to just quote the verse below by itself because I don’t want to be taking it too far out of context, but it is true. The Lord does have good plans for us, but when I read this verse, I’m always reminded that the Lords ways are higher than our ways and we have to trust Him with even our greatest passions, to make them better.

Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Isaiah 55:9
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

I pray that you too will experience much joy in keeping a healthy lifestyle!

Alicia

Picture: Rowing 2010

Day 4 – Co-Laboring with God!

It is really something extraordinary to be on this earth, co-laboring with the God of the universe! He could do it all himself, but He chooses us, to be a part of His Kingdom and a part of His great story!

When I pray, and I mean really pray, intercede on the behalf of others, I often feel as if I am right beside the Lord and He is whispering in my ear what to say. It is the most amazing time of intimacy with Him, it has a cost, it’s called dying to self, but there is no greater reward than Jesus Christ. If you keep your eyes on the joy set before you, the eternity we receive with Jesus Christ, any cost we pay on this earth is so incredibly insignificant! I fight daily to keep this perspective and I don’t always win but God is so gracious.

I desire to bring this kind of intimacy into my everyday life, in the practical, the ordinary. After reflecting on the day I just realized the coolest miracle, the first time I’ve actually recognized it. I felt, like my intimate time in prayer, was walked out in my day today, I felt so close to the Lord, I really and truly felt like I was co-laboring with Him. It’s like Jesus was telling me exactly what to say, I am not even sure how to describe it! It was one of those moments when all your suffering seems so pale in comparison to Glory of the Lord, and His plans, that are far better than our own!


John 15:5
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”
John 15:16
“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.”

I pray that you will have your own personal revelation of the intimacy of Jesus Christ!

Alicia


Picture: My other half! I wish you weren't so far away!

Barefoot

Barefoot
(A Song for you)

Chorus
I just want to go barefoot today,
I just want to feel my toes in the sand,
I just want to hear, your still small voice,
Whispering sweet love in my ear,

I don’t feel like hiking boots today,
That mountain, it looks so high,
I just want to stay down here today,
In the gentle ocean breeze

Chorus

The path looks so hard,
The weeds have taken over,
The chill in the air,
Cuts to my soul,
Please, just let me stay with you,

Chorus

I feel you with me,
I feel you with me now,
I don't want to lose your gentle touch,
Would you,
Would you stay with me?


Without you, I have nothing,
Would you keep me,
Close to you?
I long to know your touch,
To feel your heartbeat,
To be one, with you
Always and Forever



Copyright@Alicia Borsoi

Day 3 - God Speaks To Us!

Wow, when God moves He sure moves fast! It always amazes me how He will be so quiet for such a long period of time, but then, when He speaks, your world can turn upside down in an instant! It is so great! I’m sure glad I don’t live in a time when God is quiet for 400 years! What a blessing that He chooses to speak to us today, despite all of our sin and short comings! He is so gracious and merciful!

Something the Lord has been showing me is how much He actually LOVES my weaknesses! I can feel the Holy Spirit bouncing with Joy inside my spirit. Take a moment to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to show you this! It is so cool! God says, His power works best in our weakness! So sometimes, I just love my mistakes, because God can shine through those moments and His Glory can be seen!

This lesson is a never ending theme in my life, I cannot count how many ways God has used the following verses to show me so much! I guess that’s why at the beginning of this journey, why my blog was titled “When I am Weak, Then I am Strong”.

2Corinthians 12:9-10 NLT
“Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Many Blessings to you today!

Picture: JOY!

Day 2 - Little Encouragement Miracle

Part of the reason why I decided to set my focus on God’s little miracles is because I often tend to overlook them. During my school of Circuit Riders, which was only 5 weeks, I experienced so many different miracles in one day, directly in my life, in my brothers and sisters lives, and in the locals who had never accepted Jesus before, this school seemed more like 5 months long! It was absolutely incredible, in so many ways!

It’s funny though how, by our human nature, even miracles can become the ‘normal’ and you can lose the ‘wow factor’. I don’t think I necessarily lost the wow factor during the school, but when I arrived home, the ‘little’ miracles seemed so insignificant to me, I just expected the Lord to answer my prayer because I know He does, in His time of course. I don’t think expecting God to answer is a bad thing, but I didn’t like where I was headed, I never want to lose the wow factor of every little and big miracle the Lord does! When I say ‘little miracle’ I don’t mean that it is not amazing, sometimes the tiniest things can make all of the difference in the world! I mean look at babies, there are so small, so cute, and birth is one of God’s most amazing miracles! Although I haven’t had my own children yet, delivering a local women’s baby in the tent city in Haiti certainly taught me about the supernatural grace and beauty of a women giving birth!

Lately I have been struggling with worry over my finances, I have been praying for quite some time on what the Lord wants me to do next, and how He wants me to make the money for it. Long story short, it has been a gigantic challenge and far from easy. I so much want to follow the Lords leading, and often it doesn’t make sense. I am trying to find the balance between trusting in the Lord, and waiting (yes I’m still waiting back from before I wrote the blog on Aug 8, and doing my best to keep it Joyful! This season may be longer than I originally thought!) Anyways, I don’t want to sell myself short of what the Lord has for me, but I’m also desperate! Needless to say it has been very interesting, and I know one day, I will be very thankful for this lesson. Every time I ask the Lord I hear, “trust in me, I’m testing your faithfulness to me”.

So the Lord, just to give me a little bit of extra encouragement on a day where I really needed it, my devotion was a story, almost exactly what I am experiencing! The wow factor of how the Lord is reaching me in so many different ways is amazing and I constantly almost overlook them!

“For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.” Romans 8:5

Lord please help me to never forget the power of your mighty name in Jesus Christ!

I love you Lord!

Alicia

Picture: Marisa and Jessika! I miss you both so much!

Day 1 - LOVE

LOVE — It is a small four-letter word that will cost you everything:
laying down your life, passion and compassion, giving without expecting, feeling His very heartbeat and surrendering to His rhythm, and following the Lamb wherever He goes.



Today is the first day having my writing focus centered on God’s miracles. Already I am overwhelmed about what to write, do I write the about the five small but meaningful miracles from the weekend, or do write one of the hundred stories of the poor, orphans and widows that constantly swirl around my mind? I also feel a message pressing on my heart so I suppose I’ll start with this and see where it leads.

When I was crying out to the Lord for mercy and blogged a prayer (Jesus I’m desperate for you) the Lord then walked me through a number of things. First He brought me to Psalm 91, I pray that as you read it, you will have an encounter with the Holy Spirit, and the power that is behind this Psalm.

Psalm 91
1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]
2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3 Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 “Because he[b] loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

The Lord is teaching me that He is the one and true refuge, and He makes so many promises in this Psalm to those whom the Lord is their refuge, and who love the Lord. Read it again, the mighty power of God radiates out of every word! The Lord is worthy of our trust, our faithfulness, our love, and our lives!

The Lord is healing my heart, from past brokenness, this is painful. He has me confronting all the suffering and hurt in my life, and also in the lives of others whom I was privileged to have been a part of, especially in my travels. I found in the past I have often compared myself to others thinking “this hurt wasn’t that bad, so many other people suffer much worse”, this may be true, but the Lord has shown me the danger in this. Since I have not allowed the Lord to heal my hurts, it is limiting the capacity that I have to love others. The reason I use the word ‘dangerous’ is because Jesus’ Love is the strongest power on this earth, and if I am trying to function out of brokenness, I cannot offer much, if any of Jesus’ love to others, therefore, His power is dulled and maybe even ineffective. So I am confronting and healing. This season is very difficult, but I am excited to know Jesus more through my suffering. I also am very excited for it to be over because in a heartbeat, I would go where the Lord wants me to go and enter into others pain again so that they can experience the Love of Jesus and have their Salvation.

On Heidi Baker’s website there are a couple quotes that describe this perfectly, when I read it, I said, “ah yes, that is me, that is what the Lord is doing in my life”.


LOVE — It is a small four-letter word that will cost you everything:
laying down your life, passion and compassion, giving without expecting, feeling His very heartbeat and surrendering to His rhythm, and following the Lamb wherever He goes.

A New Breed of Missionaries
There is a new breed of missionaries being released across the earth, transparent saints, with oversized hearts, beating in rhythm with the heart of their Bridegroom King Jesus, carrying His glory across the earth. Fearless, laid-down lovers that know a love that has no boundaries, and are ready to run into the darkest places of the earth and bring in the lost, the dying, the poor and the broken. Jesus came with ceaseless love for both the one and the masses. Now we must do the same: stop for the one, but believe for the multitudes.


So what is the miracle? Well I would say the Love of God is a pretty darn big miracle. Maybe we overlook it because our minds are not able to comprehend it, like when Paul talks about our carnal minds; we are still babies needing milk or the writer of Hebrews who also talks about this. It is only when we can experience the difference between spirit and flesh, and when we can let our spirits lead our understanding. I find it is then that we truly can have a revelation of God’s amazing love, and the amazing power that came with Jesus Christ dying on the cross!

There are many little miracles that occurred for me to even write this blog. For example, the Lord leading me into Psalm 91, and Hebrews and Corinthians to piece together ideas. Coming across the Heidi Baker’s quotes, the Lords grace to face my pain, and the Lords grace to write this blog by how He pieced it together over the last couple weeks and was just waiting for my fingers to type the words.

I could even go into an in depth series of little miracles that got me sitting here now at a computer in my home, when this was the last place I wanted to come too. I wanted to be away in some exotic country preaching the gospel and healing the sick. I think about how the Lord told me to come home, even on a specific day, I knew He had a reason; God will send someone, even just for one person. I believe for me, that person was the youth I was sitting beside on the plane ride home, if I had not immediately obeyed the Lord I would not have had the chance to minister to that youth. His parents just so happened to be missionaries in Africa, who started a hospital and many other wonderful things over the last 30 years, I was encouraged! I was wondering what he was doing in America all by himself, I found out He was going to university, he shared his life story with me, and I was able to pray and share some encouraging words from the Lord to him. I pray that this was just the encouragement he needed to press on, and I believe it was. Also as a blessing, when arriving home, I was able to have dinner with almost my entire family, and extended family, I had not been able to do this for over a year, I was so grateful. God is good!

God is so much more powerful and at work in our lives than we know; take a moment to see how He got you to right where you are sitting, reading this blog. I pray that as you think over it your thoughts would lead you to the miracles God did for you today, and that it would put a smile on your face.

Blessings!

Picture: Playing Kickball, best kickball game yet!

Thank You! 365 days, Here I Come!

I am so thankful for everyone who has been a part of my life in one way or another. I am constantly reminded these days of how blessed I am to have the family and friendships that surround me wherever I go, your encouraging words and prayers mean the world to me. After my last prayer I wrote on my blog the Lord, as usual, has done much in a short time! Although I am still experiencing moments of pain in my heart, and I am slowly learning to discern what it is, sometimes it can even be kind of fun. When I have prayed the prayers, learnt the lesson, or just let myself cry, the pain goes away, and sometimes I just think because the Lord is gracious He lets me have a break. That being said, I’ve realized the entire point is not about the pain, it’s not suppose to be about the pain, but rather the joy, there is so much joy in life, that if we choose to focus on the pain, we can miss all the miracles that God does in so many moments of each day.

For this reason, and many others, I have decided to do an extension to my blog. I feel like a book on my life has closed, and a new one has just begun! I am so excited! When I arrived home last month, the Lord had me write a 12 page story, it was about my life, the points that ended up being highlighted were interesting to me, the little miracles that God has done, to show me His love, and when I finished it, I had tears in my eyes, and this strange sense that something had been completed, and something new was about to begin.

I am never great at explaining myself in words unless it is in writing, starting the blog helped me process through so much of my journey with the Lord. For this new season of my journey, I am going to record the next 365 days. I would like to write about God’s miracles! The Lord is so Good, He is constantly trying to win the hearts of His greatest creation, us, humans, but we get so busy and we miss it. I am going to write about the miracles the Lord does each day, and in great anticipation and excitement, I look forward to the next 365 days. I can’t wait to see how the Lord is going to change my life, simply by making the effort to live a life of gratitude.

I love storytelling, more specifically I love to tell the true stories, the ones where God gets the glory, the story is told, as is, and the voiceless, can have a voice. I have no specific agenda for this writings, because in my journey with the Lord, I take the simple steps of obedience, and the Lord takes care of the details. So some days I may write about the miracles of those days, or some days I may write one of the many stories I have heard from those whose voices may never be otherwise heard and are so loved by the Lord Jesus.

I think this is going to be a great way to reflect on what the Lord and done in my life, and to look forward to the future as I focus on the Lord day by day. I am so thankful that the Lord’s grace is sufficient for what I need each and every day! The manna of God is so much better than anything else! I pray that these writings can touch your heart, as the Lord touches mine!
Much Love and Excitement!

Alicia

Picture: In Hawaii last month painting for the Aquaponics tank our outreach team set up. This little girl loved to paint! And we got it everywhere!

Jesus I'm Desperate For You

I know I need to write, but I have no idea what, so I’ll start with this.

My name is Alicia Borsoi, I’m 25, educated, and absolutely heartbroken. Why am I heartbroken? I don’t even really know the answer to that.

Once upon a time, life was simple, I woke up, I ate, I went to school, my mom packed my lunch, my mom picked up from school, then I usually I went to play some sort of sport. I grew up, did the normal stuff Canadian youth do. I found myself completely unsatisfied, longing for more. I believed in God, and I knew, that if He was who He said He was, then there certainly was more to life than what I was doing.

So I embarked on a journey, I decided to go with YWAM, went to Kona, ended up in Haiti, came home radically changed, and pretty shook up. I felt the Lord calling me back to Kona to do a 6 week school called the school of the circuit riders. My life was even more radically shaken; I came to experience not only the Radical Love of Jesus Christ, but the urgency of the times that we are living in. It was a time of learning how to live the full gospel, and experiencing sweet moments of Heaven on earth, it is possible.

Now I am home, tormented day and night by the pain in my chest, the deep deep ache of a permanent brokenheart. Is Jesus really sharing His heart with me? Is this the burning and aching for the lost souls? Is it aching for my own life? For my own desire to meet my husband, the one who I can partner with and spread the love of Jesus all over the earth?

Everything looks strange to me now, different somehow, I can’t quite explain it, I think it is something you have to experience for yourself. Maybe God has answered all my prayers for His perspective, this certainly isn’t my perspective. There is so much evil in the world, there are so many different people and places that I want to help. I sit here, dumbstruck, so incredibly overwhelmed, but seemingly frozen, unable to move, unable to think, broken, hurting, weeping; Lord will you answer my cry?!

Maybe He is, maybe I’m just not listening, is this heart ache Him, or should I have been in the hospital five months ago? All I want to do is share the love of Jesus with others, but my pride gets in the way, my fear, I shrivel, I think, “it’s too hard, I can’t do this”. There are so many people who don’t know you Jesus, and you are desperate for your bride, what do I do? How do I help? How can I reach them, where are my brothers and sisters? Why are we all so busy with our lives? Help me! My flesh fights my spirit and I don’t know what to do! I’m desperate, lonely, helpless, crushed. God I need a miracle, nothing else will do. I need you God, I need divine help, I need divine guidance, and I’m so desperate for you Lord.

Please Lord, hear my plea, how can I help, my courage and boldness dwindle, and I feel like an ashamed child. Jesus please come and teach me, I only want you. Please take away this pain, it hurts so.

I can no longer think about my selfish desires; it only makes my heart ache more. Lord I am a new creature in you, please show me how to live.

Lord I ask for the song to sing, the words to say, Lord would you give me air to breathe. Lord would you take away my tears and replace them with your tender love. Jesus I know you are coming soon, and I am hiding my light under a table, Lord forgive me and redeem me with your love. I can bear this pain no longer, my human flesh is nearly disappeared, my heart is sick, I need you Lord Jesus. Please, please, send your presence back to comfort me; I cannot live without your presence. I feel I have lost my mind, Lord I cry out for your touch, nothing else matters but you Jesus. Please save me from this torment Jesus, I can bear it no longer.

I've Fallen in Love, With You

[A love song with my Savior, Jesus Christ]

Be still my child,
I’m teaching you, to follow me, to know me,
I’m teaching you, to love me, above all else,
Don’t be so concerned with the law, my dear,
Don’t be like the pharisees, they know my laws,
But they don't know me,

Love me, love me, my child
I surround you with my love,
I made you, for my pleasure,
My child,
I want to enjoy you,

Daughter of Jerusalem,
You move me to my very core,
Your love for me,
Makes me weep with tears of joy,
This is why,
I share my deepest secrets,
With you,

I love you,
I chose you,

I’ve already made the way for you,
Don’t worry,
Its all going to be okay,
I am filled with jealousy for my bride to be,
But I am in love with you,

You are beautiful,
Your aroma is pleasing to me,
Enjoy my presence,
And,
I’ll enjoy yours,
You gaze on my beauty,
And I gaze on yours,

Daughter,
No need to be anxious,
I have you in my hand,
I will carry you,
To the very end,
You are mine,
And I am yours,

We are one,
And nothing,
In heaven or earth,
Can separate us,

I have fallen in love with you,
And I see, that you too,
Have fallen in love,
With me,
My tears of joy spill onto you,

Rest in this peace my lover,
It will be with you always,
In every darkness to come,
In the dreams of death and destruction you have,
I will be with you,
To the end,

Nothing now,
My dear,
Can separate, you, from me,
I am in love with you, and I will never let you go,
I paid the ultimate price for you,
I will have you,
And I love you, for all eternity

-on the white horse he rides, to come for His bride

Joyful Waiting!

My dear friend just wrote a blog called “Pause”. I met her in during my Justice DTS, and even though we didn’t go on the same outreach (she went to Africa, and I went to Haiti), God blessed us with 3 months of living within 30 minutes of each other back in my hometown. This was such an amazing gift from the Lord, we were able to spend time together processing our experiences, sharing all our thoughts, worrying about the future, wondering why everything at home seemed so different, and seeking the Lord in prayer together. Looking back now, my thankfulness for her, and the many wonderful people God placed in my life during my time at home steadily increases.

My time now in Kona during the School of Circuit Riders has been so full of blessing, challenge, growth, revelation, and understanding. The Lord’s mighty power has been repeatedly demonstrated through the Holy Spirit, my trust the Lord’s goodness surpasses my understanding, and I now understand the importance of deep intimacy in with Jesus Christ, this is what matters most. My direction for the future is even more unclear, yet somehow, so much clearer. Life becomes quite simple when deep intimacy with Jesus is your first priority and this is what I was missing when I went to Haiti.

So why did I mention my friends blog called “Pause”? Well, that is where I am, everything just started to become still, and then pause, the Lord speaks “Wait”, the only word I hear. Every time I hear this word, I have a picture in my mind of the Lord intricately weaving out my future as He unveils one step at a time to me, and I love Him so much for it. He knows exactly what I need.

So I wait on the Lord, so excited about the practical steps He is unveiling to me, but even more excited about pursuing deep intimacy with Jesus. I am so blessed.

Luke 10:27 ESV
“And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”

So Deeply In Love with Jesus!

BREAKTHROUGH!!!

Was my run this morning in Heaven or on earth? My spirit is taking me up to new levels of faith and love with my Savior Jesus!

Jesus is exploding inside of my chest! As the sun came up over the mountain, exploding through the clouds with its amazing rays of light, I felt completion in every part of my being; I felt an unreal amazing true love and true purpose! So I’m getting on my horse (aka airplane), and riding to California August 13, 2011, ready to bring this love the hungry hearts.

Let me back up a little to show what lead up to this breakthrough. After many months of suffering and struggle, some of it documented in past blogs, this week I conquered another part of my climb towards the Lord. It was the hardest challenge the Lord has ever given me.

In order to give the story a little more background, I will share some of how God, during the first week of Circuit Riders blessed me with the healing and understanding I craved from my time in Haiti. There are many things I could write but I’m just going to write about one major breakthrough.

I will jump right into it; there is much pain and struggle on earth, it is not uncommon to turn a blind eye to it or by our own human will we can numb ourselves, maybe because the pain is too much to bare and so that is what I did for the last 7 weeks of my time in Haiti.

The beginning of my time in Haiti was much different, my eyes were fully opened to seeing a broader perspective and I had been deeply praying into the Lord showing me more of His vision and His heart for Haiti, I only expected to see the good, but it turns out that God will show you the entire picture if you ask Him. I don’t mean this to sound harsh, or even prideful in the least bit, but I literally saw Hell on earth, one of the hardest darkest places, been there, seen it, and there are many things I haven’t written about that I saw, heard, and experienced there, the emotions and pain I felt for the people was real. I stumbled away from the Lord as I began to rely on myself for understanding, and not God’s truth. Soon enough I was completely shutdown, numb, and remained emotionless, except for anger for almost 6 months. I could put on the face needed to get through the day, but inside my heart was being torn into pieces. Despite the anguish of this feeling, I am so thankful because it is through this continual dying to self that I have began to learn the incredible power of Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit.

It was then during the school of Circuit Riders I was brought to a beautiful state of repentance, the most significant was repenting of what I thought was my right to understand why God allowed others to suffer and I was mad I had to experience their suffering, feeling like the impact I made was too little. Through many tears and prayers I made the choice to trust the Lord, despite pain and lack of understanding.

God showed me that this is kind of like when the Israelites were freed from slavery in Egypt and sent to wander in the desert, their anger and frustration at being taking away from everything they knew, their homes, their comfort, their jobs and their food, was completely justified, but the difference was in Moses, and that Moses chose to trust God that there was the Promised Land, without understanding. The power of that kind of obedience is indescribable!

After this God soon began to reveal understanding to me, funny how that works! Some of what He is showing me is that I need to feel the pain that I have stuffed down for so many years, over so many heartaches, so my heart literally hurts so badly, often I wonder if I am having a permanent heart attack, sometimes I have tears, sometimes anger, sometimes frustration and sometimes, just sweet moments of stillness with the Lord. I believe God has told me that He is re-breaking my heart, and re-healing it because it didn’t heal right, and He is giving me a new heart, one that is aligned with Him. I wouldn’t have it any other way and the joy I receive through the Holy Spirit is so awesome!

Alight, so fast forward back to now (Circuit Riders).

Remember how Abraham was asked to sacrifice His only, long awaited Son Isaac? Well basically I had my Abraham moment this week. It has been building up since I think my DTS week 7 cost of discipleship (written in a past blog), I really experienced an intense week, but I never really grasped much understanding of it.

When I said goodbye to my mom at the airport on my way to Circuit Riders, there was one hug, and then two, then a third, and we both started sobbing. We felt a presence come over us, and both had the feeling that I wasn’t coming home, this wasn’t the first time I felt this before my departure, I am crying now, just writing about it again. So this week the Lord asked me gently, and lovingly, but He said “Would you still follow me if you didn’t get to see your mother again until heaven?”…wow. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so hard in my life, I felt Him saying, “she is the one thing you have put before me, and until that is removed you won’t be able to fully embrace this next season in your life”. My mom is my best friend, my solid rock, and I love her will all my heart.

So God and I talked for the whole day, I cried, I prayed, I wondered, I remembered Moses saying that He couldn’t do all that God was asking Him to, so God gave him Aaron to help him. I read over much scripture, went back to the same scriptures over and over, including Matthew 10:37-39

“Whoever loves father and mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

and Matthew 19:29 ESV

“And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or land for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life”.

So after much pain the Lord brought me back to the prayer room, it felt so dark trying to run away from God. So, I reached a place deep in my heart that if I never saw my mother again on earth, despite how painful that would be, I would still follow God. To me, at this point in my life, that is the ultimate sacrifice, and the highest cost I could pay to follow Him. I know that God is good, and I have asked Him to see my family again, I know He is merciful and will grant me this prayer. But it was a test of the heart, indescribably difficult I am so thankful for it. I know there will be many cost that come up along the way, but God and I have been able to reach this moment, where, from here on out, the cost is settled, and I can move forward with the Lord.

So at 4am this morning the Lord woke me up and guided me to the prayer room, instantly on my heart was “Go to Orange County”. I began to pray and mediate on this, I went for my run, which felt like I was running somewhere in Heaven, my spirit was so alive, I reached the top of the hill at the end of the run watching the sun come up over the mountains, breaking through the cloud, with glorious light, I could envision Jesus sitting on those clouds, and all was well with my soul.

For the first time in my life, I am truly falling in so deeply in love with Jesus.


I love you Mom!