What is Reality?

Balancing the reality of Jesus, the reality of this world, the reality of my circumstances and the reality of the difference in living in the 1st and 3rd world just takes its toll on me some days. Those are the times where I try to function but eventually I just run away to my hiding place unable to do anything but picture myself jumping into the arms of Jesus as he takes all my burdens. For me, to mirror this in the natural would be to go hang out with a bunch of kids, preferably the ones in 3rd world countries, the way Jesus lives with them is just so unique and so refreshing. As much as I desire to head off on a jet plane at a moment’s notice I find myself with a strong conviction to just wait and be patient, a difficult season.

I often dream, sometimes so vivid and so real that it takes me a good chunk of the day to figure out if it was real or not, so on top of the realities mentioned above, I too have this dream reality. Last night I was weeping with the desire to go visit Haiti as I drifted off to sleep. Then the Lord blessed me in a way that only He could. I spent the night in an orphanage in Haiti with my good friend who is there now serving. It very real and I remember it well. When I woke up I could still feel warmth of the children’s hugs, see their beautiful smiles, and smell the scents of Haiti that once used to make me cringe but now only make my heart dance with fond memories. It was like I had spent a week working in Haiti and I felt completely satisfied.
I fought to keep the joy from this dream alive as I continued throughout the day with all the other realties crashing down on me. I did not succeed for very long.

I struggle often with very deep doubt and when this begins to occur I’ve learned to start taking it as a sign that I’m headed in the right direction. It’s different than the normal day to day doubt that I face, it can get so severe that I end up with a mass of chaos and confusion in my mind as I try to war off satans lies to me. It’s the same lies that I believed when I was in Haiti, the same lies that tell me I’m nobody, these always come when I’m alone, as much as I recognize what’s going on, it never makes it any easier.

I’m so thankful for my brothers and sisters in Christ who are there to encourage and lift me up.

Thank You Lord for Dreams!


I am Blessed!


Picture: Haiti babies in my dream