Born Identity

Now I realize the title may be a cheesy play on words from a movie but the words “born identity” were actually used by God to reveal different things to me about my life. I just love how He uses things we are familiar with to relate to us and help us understand. There were a number of analogies God used on that Sunday in February 2010 that I would like to share, as they still cross my mind and impact me daily.

At the end of a sermon spoken by the pastor he revealed that there were people in the congregation that were embarking on a “New Journey” and that God wanted to “speak” to them. Well I have come to learn that in a church setting when my emotions take over, my heart beats heavy and my hands start shaking, that usually means “stand up boldy and with faith Alicia, I am talking about you”. The way the pastor described the “New Journey” was something like this “for people who didn’t know Christ and wanted to begin a journey with him.” I automatically assumed that he wasn’t talking about me because I thought I had known Christ for quite some time. Yet during that previous week the word “journey” had been crossing my mind frequently. I also had been praying and asking the Lord for something “new”. Well I didn’t really put those two factors together until a later point, it really is wonderful that God is so patient with us and gently reminds us that He is answering our prayers. At the time I didn’t know this but this day was to be the beginning of a “New Journey” in my life with Christ, so exciting!!!

So back to the analogies that were spoken to me. I will try to describe the impact they had on me by first describing where I was in my daily life. It was during the Vancouver Olympics so of course I spent every moment I could watching them. I was spending four to seven hours a day training for rowing, as well as coaching a competitive junior team. I was and still am, working at a job that at time was testing my patience to the extreme. I think another valuable point is that my favorite sport to compete in is of course rowing, and my favorite sport to watch is actually football. I think I may enjoy watching football so much because my youngest brother played throughout high school. I was privileged enough to have the opportunity to train his team in the area of speed and agility. I learnt valuable skills from an incredibly talented family, skills that I still use to this day. While learning those skills I came to have even more of an appreciation for training for sport, as well as the amount of skill talent and development in the game of football. There is few things in life I enjoy more than watching someone I know compete in a sport of any type. Some people may look at sport and see it as just a “game”, but I know that it is so much more. I believe sport through strong leadership has the power to change the future of individuals otherwise destined for a path of destruction. So naturally God knew that if he gave me analogies related to sport, I would listen and understand.

So as for the analogies they went something like this; Alicia you are like a downhill skier at the top of the hill, looking down, but you have no idea how to do get to the bottom; God is going to be there for you like just like a "blocker" in football, he will stop all the obstacles; God has given you a backpack and right now He is filling it will tools, He will show you when and how to use the tools He is giving you; and lastly Born Identity; you are like the actor in the movie Bourne Identity people are chasing you, you don’t know who you are, but God is going to teach you on the journey and He wants you to enjoy the journey.

I find it so fascinating how God tells us the exact things we need to hear when we need to hear them, even if at the time we don’t realize what is happening. I am excited that my job which daily tests my patience is one of the things used to fill my backpack with valuable tools, I tell you, I still think of that analogy everyday at work, I am so excited to know that God will use things, that to me can seem so meaningless, for work that glorifies His name, and His Kingdom. Whenever I come across an obstacle now, I picture running on that football field, and I know God is there clearing the way. Running at a full out sprint is tiring and painful, just like my journey thus far, but I know in the end the result is worth all of the effort.

My journey as of now is not at all what I thought it would be on that day in February when I first received that message from God. I currently am unable to train for rowing; I have had dehabilitaing back pain for almost 2 months now. The first month I stubbornly continued to row and lift weights, the second month I began to replace rowing with running. Well my running soon turned into walking as the pain got worse and worse. I am only able now to train in the pool, which has actually been quite wonderful, today my frustration of the injury got the best of my emotions, God still is gracious to me. In any case my dreams of becoming a great rower have not disappeared, but the reality is they may actually never come true. So why do I love sport so much when I am currently unable to compete in anything even resembling a sport? I don’t know the answer, but I do know that God is revealing a new part of my heart to me that I have only seen glimpses of in the past. I read blogs of the people working in Haiti and I sob uncontrollably. I thank God for my meal and I sob thinking about all the hungry people in the world. I am convicted if I even waste a grain of rice, knowing that somewhere in the world a mother would give her hands and feet for just a small amount of food for her family.

(As I was beginning to write the following paragraph I had an opportunity to help someone right on my own doorstep, I will write about it in further detail in my next blog.)

I want God to use to me for his Kingdom. I want to go underdeveloped countries, areas of high conflict, I want to be his hands and feet that bring peace to those under circumstances we in developed countries could not possibly begin to understand.

My born identity has been lost throughout my life. I allowed sport to become my identity; I allowed people and relationships in my life to become my identity. As I stumble along wondering who I am, not satisfied in anything that I do, I wonder, that if I was to become one of the top rowers in the world, would I even be satisfied?

I know that from the “world’s” point of view, it is ridiculous for me to up and leave all that I have “going for me”, but I want more. I am not satisfied. How can I sit here, in my comfortable home while 80% of the world lives in poverty? I have been blessed with a wonderful life, a wonderful family, so many opportunities, how can I not use my blessings to bless others? I believe in the near future God is going to allow me to travel so I can experience exponential growth in my faith and I am so filled with joy at the thought! God made each of our hearts for something different; I am grateful that God is teaching me about mine.